Being deaf

Labor Day. Most people I know have taken off for this weekend. To go camping, fishing or whatever. Myself it was just another day except Dale did not have school. This morning was different. Didn't wake up until 6:30. Aden wasn't making any noise and Dale had crawled in to my bed yet again. So I got up to check on the toddler. He was fine. Just laying there talking to himself playing with his feet. I figured it was alright to try to seek back to bed. . . *sigh*. . . No, he must of heard me.

Some times it sticks to be deaf and other times I'm more than grateful to be deaf. Trying to seek around without my hearing aids on has proven not to work with my little ones. They can hear things that I can not. Dale will ask me "what's that noise" a lot of the time. Most of my answers, "I don't know? I can't hear it." Another downside is that Dale will say something and I ask him what he said, "Nothing!" He replies. It's a little frustrating at times. Plus, I can't stand kids that talk through their noses to get that high pitch whinny baby talk kinda of voice. I only pick up on parts of it but still drives me nuts. Dale tried to do that with me at one time. As you can probably guess that this mama put a stop to that right away. *oy* The upside to being deaf with little ones. You can tolerate a screaming tantrum a lot better then most. Aden's screaming I only hear the lower tones. It's weird at times because I can see that he is screaming as hard as he can however there is no noise coming out. There must be, due to the breathing required to make such a sound. But for me it's not there.  Also, with Dale I have to tell him that I can not understand him when he whines or cries for something. He has to clam down and speak to me in his normal voice in order for me to fix whatever the problem is because if the kid gets really high pitched, the sound goes away. Which is not a totally bad thing because I know quite a few mothers that wish that noise would go away when their kids scream or fuse like that.

Anyway, my hearing loss is kinda like the base setting on a radio. It's always stuck on this setting and the higher frequencies don't work. For example, my husband has a very deep voice that can carry across a room. I can hear his voice from anywhere in the house without my hearing aids. I may not understand everything he is telling me from another room but I can hear him. Things such as fire and police sirens. I can only hear the low parts of the noise. I understand that there is a high sound to it but it goes away. Half the time I don't know if there is an emergency vehicle behind me until I see its lights flashing. That part is annoying.

I don't rely on my hearing to much when it comes to doing things and getting around. I have to stick with my instinct about everything. I'm very cautious of my surroundings and if something doesn't feel right. I'll do what I can to change the situation until that feeling goes away. Just like spider-man. I can claim that my "mommy senses are tingling." When it comes to my boys. It's what gets me up in the morning or the middle of a dead sleep. When something is not right. It's when all of a sudden the house is still and quiet. I go check if everything is alright. It's when I see a stranger walking down the street. No matter what they look like if it doesn't feel right I will try to avoid them. This is hard for Dale to understand at times because he such a sociable kid. He loves everyone and everyone is a potential friend. I hate having to explain to him that there are bad people in this world and to listen to mommy when I tell him we need to stay away. To listen to our bodies. To follow our instincts. To listen to the tiny little voice inside us telling us what is right and what is wrong. Dale is such a good kid and a real people pleaser. He'll do just about anything to get a smile and huge. To get approval. Aden's the same way but only to the extent of what a silly little toddler can do.

Any who, fed the boys breakfast, played, went to the store because for some reason both boys have been having a slite bit of diarrhea today. Not constant but enough to make their little butts raw. On the way we  dropped off the rent check, the ups store for the mail and then the store for rash cream and pedialite. Got home, had lunch, put Aden down for a nap, (which only lasted an hour) played and chilled on the couch. Showed Dale how to play mancala. Fixed dinner at 4:30pm, bathed, played some more, Dale passed out on the couch at 7:20 and Aden to bed ten minutes later.

An early evening to myself tonight. Wish I could share it with my love. My hubby has been having a hard time being away from me and the boys. Tonight his trainer is having him do a night run. I pray for his safety and ask others to pray for him as well. I'm proud of what he is doing so that our family can get out of debt to have a better brighter future. I pray for the spirit to be with him. To comfort him and give him strength to push through the moments of doubt and strive to do what is right in God's eyes. I know this has been very hard emotionally but I believe that this short term sacrifice will be worth it when we're debt free and that I don't have to tell Dale, "No I can't buy you that toy. I don't have the money." I would rather say, "No, you can't have a new toy because you have not earned it." It's hard but it will be worth it. I have faith.